Charlotte Bridge, 03.01.2019

Shy! But why? How to Overcome Shyness in 5 Ways

Shyness is part of each and every one of us. Whether a man or a woman, we all share the same fears, doubts, and insecurities. And let’s face it – isn't it frustrating to live in the stereotypes and expectations rooted in us by society? Men are supposed to be the proactive ones regarding dating and this can be really stressful – knowing that you always need to make the first move. For women, it can be even worse. They feel a lack of control over their love life because in the end the choice is narrowed down to the men who have (already) approached them. How limiting.

If you consider yourself a shrinking violet and can’t remember the last good date you had, well, we might have a problem. Have a look at some points of tremendous importance when you need to get over your shy self, no matter your age.

1. Work on Yourself

If you feel like you can't hold a good conversation with someone, it could be the case. But don't worry, you just have to build to a point where you feel comfortable enough talking about different topics and giving your opinion around others. If you feel lost for conversation topics or don't feel you have any authority to talk on them, start with reading more diverse literature such as biographies, history. You could also try audio books – perfect for work commutes and listening while doing chores around the home. And why not drop the romantic comedies and go for documentaries instead, starting with topics that already interest you and branching out to those that might surprise. Before you know it you'll have your own specialist topic and you'll be able to beat the shyness with confidence!

2. Be Positive and Smile More 

It's so simple, but yet it's still something we tend to forget. It's often easier to hide in our shells and look at our feet rather than exchanging smiles with random people on the street. Reminder – if you are too shy to talk to people, your unfriendly face isn't going to make them feel any more inclined to start talking to you. Make yourself approachable. 

3. Don't Fear Rejection

Yes, getting out of your comfort zone is scary. Yes, even if you dare to ask someone out, they might say no. Or even worse – say yes and then never get back to you. But while you might feel like saying, “OK, I tried once, it didn’t work out, so now I'm giving up because it's not worth the embarrassment” and chucking it all in, you have to push yourself. It might be uncomfortable or demotivating, but you might end up conquering the heart of your perfect match – especially if they are as shy as you were!

4. Fake It Until You Make It 

Adding to this last point, here's some scientific proof: You just have to pretend that you're confident enough whilst talking to potential lovers. This one's easier than you think! Try the “power posing” tactic of Harvard researcher Amy Cuddy, which can help you overcome your shyness in many aspects of your life including, at work, in interviews, and in your dating life. Start talking to people and trick your mind through your body language. By telling yourself you're feeling perfectly comfortable with the situation and that you're in charge of it, eventually you will become comfortable with it.

5. Last but not least – Try online dating!

Let’s face it – most of your friends have tried it (even if they don't admit it) and it’s a simple way to get to know other singles around you. Not to mention there's one huge plus for those of us who are shy – there's no initial awkwardness!  You can start contacting potential partners easily and without barriers. If you're looking for a serious, long-term relationship, you can try it for free right away by registering here.