Phoebe Dunn, 14.01.2015

Testing compatibility in a new relationship

Wondering if your new relationship will go the distance? It helps to start with a solid foundation. EliteSingles was founded to create lasting connections between educated, interesting singles, so dates with us start from the strongest possible roots.

If you are ready for a new relationship (and perhaps your next great romance) then be proactive about your love life and register today!

When you’re entering into a new relationship it’s all too easy to get carried into the skies by the butterflies in your belly. But before you’re swept away completely it’s important to place two solid feet on the ground and ask yourself some honest questions. Oh, and your friends and family, too, says therapist Alexandra Redcay.

Love clouds our judgement

Choosing a partner that is genuinely compatible is tricky business. And as much as we would all like to think we control the selection process of our partners, it’s just not the case. Rather, when we enter into a new relationship our analytical processing systems shut down and our brains succumb to the addiction of love; we lose our ability to accurately judge potential partners. 

And falling in love happens much quicker than we are willing to admit, says Redcay, who presented her talk Selecting the Right Relationship at a Tedx event in New York. She explains that falling in love often happens in the first few months of getting to know someone. “We might not say it, we might not admit it but we know it’s true.”

Analyzing a new relationship: it’s a matter of time

Redcay reasons that if love clouds our judgement, and it takes just a few months to fall in love, we need to analyze a new relationship before our brains throw a wacky one on us. Her solution? We need an impartial opinion of the new relationship from those around us. Yep, it’s a simple solution but enough to send any tummy twisting: your friends and family must meet your potential partner. And soon. Between the first 3-5 dates, says Redcay. “A lot of people think this is crazy but I stand by it one hundred percent.”

Trust your loved ones

She explains the drastic measure like this; “When we fall in love we are already hooked… so we have to back that up and just get another impression from somebody, right from the beginning." Redcay argues that our friends and family tend to know what is best for us, they know our personalities and they have an innate sense of when a potential partner would make a compatible match. They also have an eye for red flags in the early stage of a new relationship. She explains, “You have to trust your community because they are wiser than us when we’re in the midst of [love].” But asking for their opinion isn’t the hardest part – the tricky thing, Redcay says, is to actually act upon their advice – “Listen to them… listen to them! If [the majority of friends] say they aren’t right for you, be brave enough to walk away.”

Finding someone compatible… from the start!

Of course, a lot of mismatched pairing can be achieved by finding a compatible partner in the first place. Redcay agrees, “You need to take a step back and figure out what the most important things for you are. You need to really be wise about what you’re looking for.” And this is where EliteSingles’ smart profiling system comes into play. By being introduced to truly compatible potential partners, you can all but rule out the ‘hit and miss’ you normally find in the dating game… so don’t be surprised when your EliteSingles partner gets the stamp of approval from family and friends. 

Are you ready for a new relationship without the red flags? Register with EliteSingles today and start a new relationship with a truly compatible partner.

If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to write them below or email us at 

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If you are in love with someone and they are not in love with you for what ever reason , what do you do?

Hi Doris

Oh, it's so hard when that's the situation. It's going to hurt, but if someone doesn't love you in the way you want, perhaps the best thing is to try and move on. That will leave you open to new love, with someone who appreciates how wonderful you are. They're out there! You have to move forward to find them. We have some more tips from the experts about moving on here - it might be an interesting read for you.

The EliteSingles editorial team.


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