A first date with someone can be exciting but it can also be the basis for a whole lot of nerves! So how can you ensure you have a good…
Many people find the prospect of asking someone out daunting. But it doesn’t have to be! In fact, asking someone out can be extremely natural and comfortable, not to mention it might just be the start of something special. And all you need to achieve this is a little confidence in the process.
To help ease the ‘asking someone out’ nerves, we’ve taken a look at the five most common scenarios of asking someone out and outlined our best tips for sucess, complete with on-point advice from our in-house psychologist and relationship expert Salama Marine. If you’re wondering how to ask someone out, whther it’s online, offline, guys, girls, friends – we have it covered!
How to ask someone out offline
After making sure that this person is single, you should just go for it!
– Salama Marine
We asked EliteSingles’ resident psychologist and relationship expert Salama Marine what the best way to ask someone out who you’ve met offline – perhaps on a night out or through friends. Salama says:
‘’Firstly, if they’ve given you their number, it’s a pretty good sign. After making sure that this person is definitely single, you should just go for it! When you think about it, what do you have to lose? Literally, nothing. Indeed, it really is that simple. Why don’t you suggest a slightly more original date idea? Like going to a new exhibition or choosing a cafe or restaurant that’s a bit different.
Try to find an activity sparks their curiosity. This will subsequently make the date even more appealing. If you don’t get a response, don’t over think it. They’re clearly not the right person for you so you can move on and find the person who is.’
Of course it’s always easier said than done, but confidence really is key to asking someone out. If you feel uncomfortable, they’ll feel uncomfortable and you’re not very likely to get a date. Instead, remind yourself you don’t actually have anything to lose and could gain so much! So next someone catches your eye, take a deep breath, go over to them and ask if they’d like to go on a date. You’ll be surprised how easily you can do it.
- Takeaway tip: Confidence is key when asking someone out – if if you believe you’re worth dating, they will too!
How to ask a girl out
It’s a question on every straight man and gay girl’s lips from the school playground to later in life: jut how do you ask a girl out?
Part of the questioning might be because women are traditionally cast as mysterious creatures who are difficult to approach and even harder to read. Yet, this is actually rarely the case. Indeed, asking someone out on a date need not be nerve racking. It’s easy to forget that many (if not most) single people are actually seeking someone special and are ready to be swept off their feet at any moment. Bearing this in mind, not over thinking it is key when arranging a date. Keep it simple and direct, for example ‘would you like to join me at this gallery opening on Friday evening – it starts at 7?’ Women appreciate a plan and you’re more likely to get a direct answer. Vagueness will get you nowhere.
Having said this, it’s also important to be flexible. These days, people have busy schedules so it may take some planning to arrange the date. Don’t be instantly disheartened if your initial idea doesn’t work out. Simply make a plan that suits you both. It doesn’t need to be anything particularly decadent (in fact 86% of Canadians polled in a recent EliteSingles survey are happy to meet for a casual coffee on a first date).
- Takeaway tip: Try suggesting a fully formed plan rather than offering a vaguer ‘want to go out sometime?’
How to ask a guy out
Asking a girl out is one thing, but asking a guy out is quite another – especially if you’re a woman wanting to overcome stereotypes about who does the asking.
Indeed, thanks to a lot of social conditioning that says it should be the man who asks, it can be intimidating to approach a guy and ask him out. However, if and when you manage it, you’ll soon find it can be extremely satisfying having full control of the situation and what’s more, our studies have shown that men are defintiely open to the idea! There are various methods that you could try, depending on how brave you’re feeling. Firstly, you could be very bold and buy him a drink or tell him he’s gorgeous. This will certainly capture his attention and will instantly spark his interest in you.
A more subtle approach is going up to a guy and sparking a conversation (try complementing his clothes or, if you’re out socially, catch him at the bar and ask what he recommends). After a while of chatting, try asking him what he did over the weekend – then suggest the two of you do a similar activity together sometime soon.
If even that feels too bold, or you don’t quite have the confidence to ask a guy out directly, an easier option is to ask him on a group date. Gather some of your friends, see if he wants to bring some of his, and choose a relaxed, creative date idea; that way you’ll feel at ease and subsequently he will too.
- Takeaway tip: Just do it – many guys will find it refeshing to be asked out rather than always being the one to do the asking!
How to ask a friend out
How to ask a friend out is a question almost everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. The line can easily become blurred with close friendships and there is a natural curiosity to see if you could be something more. The problem is that the whole situation is delicate and needs to be handled carefully so as not to ruin your friendship.
Before asking a friend out it might be worth finding out what place they’re in (are they single? are they even ready for a relationship?). Next, assess their body language towards you – you can often tell if someone initiates a lot of physical contact towards you that there might be room for something more.
After assessing these things, arrange a time when just the two of you can be alone together and broach the subject then. When the moment feels right, just ask. Be completely honest with your feelings – if nothing more, they’ll have a lot of respect for you for doing it.
Finally, you really have to respect their decision. One of the risks of asking out a friend is they have a good reason to say no. If your friendship works well as it is and they’re afraid of losing that when more feelings come in to play, they may not want to risk it at all. Alternatively, they may also simply not feel the same way. Either way, you only regret the things you don’t do and you’d always wonder ‘what if…’ if you don’t bite the bullet and just ask. You never know, you might get everything you want…
- Takeaway tip: Don’t get too caught up in how asking will change your friendship. After all, if you’ve developed feelings for them, your relationship has already changed! And, if you ask them out, things might change again – for the better!
How to ask someone out online
As soon as you feel a connection with someone online or have a good feeling towards them, you should simply ask for a coffee or dinner date to establish if there’s something between you
– Salama Marine
So what about asking someone out online? Is it any different to the offline approaches outlined above? Well, yes, in fact. If anything, it’s easier – after all, the people you meet are looking for a relationship too, so you already know that they’re open to the idea of dating. The tricky bit to get right, then, is timing.
Psychologist Salama Marine advises; ‘After a while of getting to know each other online, it’s time to arrange to meet offline. But what is the next step?First of all, it’s important that you don’t wait too long to meet in person – nothing beats a face-to-face conversation. It’s a good idea to find out as soon as possible whether you have a connection with someone and whether you’re interested in them.
When messaging online, it’s easy to get used to the daily contact and as a result the conversation can go on for a long time before realizing you haven’t actually met in person yet. People often develop feelings for someone online without having actually seen them in real life. That’s why as soon as you feel a connection with someone online or have a good feeling towards them, you should simply ask for a coffee or dinner date to establish if there’s something between you.
Don’t be afraid to ask someone to meet! Remember, if you’re both on a dating site like EliteSingles, you’re both there for the same reason – to find a long-term partner. Ask them out!’
- Takeaway tip: If you’re looking for love, it pays to be proactive – so if you see a single you like, just ask them out. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
Ready to meet someone amazing online? Sign up with EliteSingles here!
EliteSingles editorial March 2017
If you have any questions about how to make a second marriage work, let us know! You can leave a comment below or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org